When we get older we probably have had our experience with sameness in our relationships and also with differences. Maybe you have come to the conclusion about what is better, sameness or difference? Which is better?

What do we want in a relationship?

2 heads, same person


If you made a list of what you want in an intimate relationship you probably would name

  • love
  • mutual understanding
  • sexual attraction
  • harmony
  • collaboration

and probably other items for which we long and which we haven’t experienced fully in our previous relationships.


In the Conscious Ageing series, we talked with Michaela Boehm who gave us some interesting insights into why we don’t get what we want – as long as we want always everything at the same time. When we and our partner have a lot in common, the sameness creates harmony and understanding quite easily. The sexual attraction and the desire to connect physically with our partner in a passionate sexual way, on the other hand, is grounded in friction, that means in the differences between us which create a certain tension which is necessary for this sort of desire.

2 angels, red and white....

opposite qualities create friction and attraction

Sameness and difference in the sexual life

So when we are in harmony and sameness we have less sexual appetite than when we have some sparks of whatever friction there may be. I always wondered how couples could fight during the day and then go to bed together at night, happily. In my opinion, this is only possible when they accept friction as normal and are not conditioned by the overall value of HARMONY. For me, having over-valued harmony as a good Libra, it was increasingly impossible to go to bed with a partner with whom I had severe quarrels during the day. What is your experience in this matter?

Tantra and Sexuality 

This point was one of the highlights during the conversation with Michaela Boehm. You can watch it below, and you can find more information, including the timestamps = where you find what was talked about when in the video – HERE